Memory, Betrayal, and Freedom
By Pilar Dougall
I
chose this first week of blogging based on the title of this reading, Return to Sender. I knew that I would
have a heavier load later in the semester and when I saw the title I thought
“piece of cake.” This story must be about “snail” mail, that’s in the past; I
like history so this should be a good read. I knew nothing of Mark Doty.
This piece begins with a tale of a trip to
Memphis and then took an unexpected detour. For the first three pages I thought
the writer had gotten lost. Doty mentioned memory and feelings, a therapist and
lighthouses, his early poetry and circuses. Then, quite suddenly, we are in
Memphis and just as quickly, the Memphis story is over. Yet, Doty is not finished. He brilliantly goes
on to explain how he wanted to use memory and not history to tell his story,
especially how it relates to his version of the individuals in his memoir; his
mother, sister, and most of all his father.
I was feeling a bit let down as I
started this reading, but as I read on I understood that this piece was not
about Doty’s personal story about a trip to Memphis as much as it was about the
process and potential outcome of developing “characters” in a memoir. He
explains that “The lives of other people are unknowable.” The writer of a
memoir must be able to give life to those included in his/her personal story,
“to make them known.” Yet, in doing so the writer must decide which version of other
individuals he/she wants to share; the version known only to the writer or a
“historical” version, a less intimate version with a focus on facts supported
by research and interviews. Doty describes his struggle with writing his
version, from the memories of a young boy, about his own family knowing that
his sister and father would eventually read what he had written. In addition to
wondering how they would react to spilling out the family history in the
written word, he questions himself about his feelings of betraying the “known”
version of each person.
As I read through this piece I began
to understand why I have never been able to keep a personal journal. I
especially came to this realization when I read his explanation of a
“memoirist’s nightmare: that we will lose people in our lives by writing about
them.” I have felt this. Each time I
started a journal, I wondered what would happen to it once I was no longer
around or incapacitated in some way; who would find it, who would read it, and
what will they think? I quickly pulled out the pages, tore them up, and threw
them away. Perhaps this is why I lean more on the side of fiction writing.
Yet,
on the last page, Doty further explains that freedom can be found in the form
of betrayal and the freedom that he experienced in telling his version of the
truth. Without this he asks, what else is there? His answer, “The alternative
is silence, a frozen politeness, a fake life.” At this, I came to another
realization. Everyone has a story to tell and I have my own. I can and I shall
write it. Will I care what others think? Maybe, I will. No, I won’t. Yes.
I think you hit it right on the mark. I believe that at some points when we do write about ourselves and people in our lives we do wonder what they might think on how we portray them. This I think is a big part on story telling because dramatically shape a story, should we write what we think about them, or should we write what we think they might like. Overall I think you caught the overall concept of this piece.
ReplyDeleteI agree, there is always some hesitation when writing about others, especially those who are so close to us. And Doty’s essay assures us that in order to free ourselves from fear of judgment we must be honest in our writing. Like you, I also found myself hesitant to write about others but honestly, we must be true to ourselves in writing in order to connect with our audience and as Doty mentions, “ This ‘betrayal’ is life giving; it is a condition of truth telling..”
ReplyDeleteI agree with your analysis of the meaning of the essay hinging on the characters of a memoir. Unbelievable characters and dialogue only serve to distance the reader from the writing and inject disbelief. It can be hard to write about others, but it is easier if you are writing about people who you have spent a good deal of time around in order to gain a rounded view.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your delving into the relationship between “characters” in writing and the real people they represent. We view and write creative non-fiction through the lens of our experience, so the images of the people involved in our life stories are distorted through that glass darkly. In comparison with themselves in reality, those people on the page may appear somewhat fictitious, but probably only because they are subjectively viewed. I really love how you picked up on this issue, and reading your analysis got me thinking. While this view of characters/people may seem like a “betrayal” of the truth, I think that’s where the key to creative non-fiction lies (and is evident in the name) – it’s only a half-truth, spun creatively into art.
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ReplyDeleteI like everything that's been said in the comments here, and I think that the post and these responses are hitting on this very murky, controversial part of nonfiction: how to represent those we care for, remember, or just "know" on the page. It's something that every writer deals with at some point--how they'll be read by parents, friends, teachers, etc.--and (for me, at least) it's often a point of much self-consciousness, self-criticism. Even writer's block.
ReplyDeleteI think the key (as Victoria described) is to try not to think about how THEY are represented on the page as much as how YOU are represented to the reader. Meaning: if you are a negative, judgmental person about the people in your life, your personality might seem inauthentic, self-aggrandizing, even fake. This can cause a reader to feel pushed away from your work (as we often are by people like this in our lives).
Likewise, if you are too forgiving, too even-handed, you risk seeing the world in "rose-colored glasses" and making the reader feel either (a) alienated from your experience or (b) that you are hiding parts of the truth. People can sense honesty like a bloodhound--they'll be able to know, for the most part, even subconsciously, whether you are doing justice to your subject matter. It's the writer's job then, to walk the fine line between the dark and light, the "truth" and what we assume to be the truth, the evil and good we find in others--and try to represent that, as clearly as we can, for readers.
This was one of the first readings assignments. Since then we've read more stories including David Sedaris' "Repeat After Me", which I feel are parallel in their main points. That being how we portray those around us, we can build them up or tear them down. And if the audience accepts what we tell them of our beloved (ones) than we have either triumphed in immortalizing them, or we have failed them, by skewing the truth to best fit our side of the truth/story.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing about your own struggles with keeping a diary. I also caught how you ended your reflection...I thought it was a nice touch to mirror Doty's final words.... "I wish I'd never written it. No, I don't. Yes, I do. No, I don't".
This story probably influenced me the most during the early part of the semester, especially as it was the first we read. Through this piece I was able to get my first real glance at what a creative non-fiction piece actually is. I felt that Mr. Doty's ability for personal reflection was both honest and impressive and this is what I mainly took from the piece. I tried to emulate his honesty for my work, using it as a strong example of what a non-fiction piece should be. I was struck a great deal by is use of location to represent how he was feeling and then to push that feeling farther by transitioning into his family life and then reflecting on how that may have molded his feelings or person and why. Because of Doty, I learned that setting is integral to writing personal essays as is the ability to be very honest, regardless of consequences, in order to explore yourself.
ReplyDeletePilar, I really liked how you discussed why you could never keep a journal. I found myself coming to a similar realization after reading this piece. I was always afraid of actually expressing my truthful thoughts on paper just in case some one got a hold of the journal and started reading.
ReplyDeleteHowever this piece also made me realize how important it can be to keep a journal despite the fear of it being read. The author at the beginning of the story is trying to find Ramses street but later realizes that that street didn't even exist and that his memory of where he lived as a child was lost and replaced by a made up memory during adulthood. I am afraid that when I get older I will forget things that seem so common knowledge right now so perhaps it is a good thing to keep a journal and to write about your life even if others will read your work because it is a way for you as an author to always keep memories truthful and intact.