Stella Ruvalcaba on Phillip Lopate's "Portrait of My Body"

Reading Phillip Lopates “Portrait of My Body” made me realize how at times we become too harsh with ourselves in terms of appearance. Lopates begins his interpretation of his body and begins with his posture, which I thought was very odd. I had to reread the line various times, “I am a man who tilts,” it’s simplicity caught my attention immediately. He’s very critical of himself almost over analytical. But I respect his honesty and the fact that he decided to share so much about himself. I feel that in order to begin writing about our own sensitive information or quirk we must be willing to reach out to an audience with our imperfections and create a connection. This piece made me realize that in order to be a writer we must be dedicated to art and expose ourselves, imperfections, desires and oddities. You’re no longer writing for yourself create a web of connections with others.

             I didn’t expect the piece to swerve into a more personal direction but I did expect a twist of some sort. I just didn’t think it would involve his penis. I didn’t know 2 pee holes were even possible. I also appreciate writers that set themselves apart by creating unique pieces, like Lopate with “Portrait of My Body”. I had never read a piece that involved an issue so personal and sensitive as the one mentioned in Lopate’s. I appreciate the fact that he’s so honest with the reader, picking out physical aspects of himself that make him uncomfortable. For example, when he mentions his sister telling him he’s gotten “flabby”. Talk about brutally honest. This even made me feel uncomfortable.

            Just as he writes of his imperfections, Lopate also mentions his appreciation for exquisite backs and other characteristics of himself. He compares this with his own back affected by his time spent writing. I noticed there’s an implication that he’s going through a mid-life crisis. He doesn’t feel his age but younger. His mind not catching up with his body. At the same time he seems to describe it, comparing himself then and now. But ends with a final note on his appreciation for his fingers and noting a peculiarity with his right middle finger, broken after a ball game. Throughout the piece he’s sarcastic and too critical of himself and ending with this made me realize the piece has a tone of admiration and underlying pride for himself as a writer.  

            So far, and including this piece, creative non-fiction has showed me that it’s ever expanding in topics and peculiarity. Coming from a poetry concentration, non-fiction has helped me use more description that poetry seems to condense or omit. It’s refreshing to read a detailed piece that guides the reader through peculiarities that makes us all feel unique in a positive way, not shameful or alone. After reading Lopate’s piece I’m realizing there’s no limit to what you can write about. Whatever it is, can be expressed truthfully as “Portrait of My Body” has.

Ella Wilcox on Lucy Grealy's "Mirrorings"

While reading this personal essay, I was initially captivated by the fact that this woman avoided her own reflection for an entire year. You do not know why this is. It is intriguing and now you are committed.

The part where she describes her chemotherapy is the part that I felt she made the best connection to the reader, because everyone is affected by cancer. Personally you may not be affected by cancer but chances are, you know someone with cancer. The detail that she put into describing her symptoms was incredible. It made me experience what she was experiencing.

I found it inspiring that in order to cope with being bullied and being an outcast at school, she found her savior in being around horses. I know from personal experience that being around horses makes you feel graceful and you can even find beauty in yourself. They are kind creatures and as cheesy as it sounds, they accept you for who you are. They don’t care what you look like they only care about how you make them feel. If you are kind to them they will return the same kindness. This is not always the same case with humans.

I really enjoyed the parts of the essay where she talked about how she felt lucky to know the real truth about life, while everyone else walked around thinking that they have things so bad. Through this, it was clear that she started to count her own blessings instead of those of other people. Although, throughout the entire essay she explains that she wasn’t always this way. She was constantly teased and bullied in school and even later on in her work place. It was a bit heartbreaking to know that this woman had to go through all these experiences and that she couldn’t even say she was depressed because all she felt was ugly. That was the only sensation she knew.

A quote from the essay that I thought really summed up her feelings was;

“On one level I understood that the image of my face was merely that, an image, a surface that was not directly related to any true, deep definition of the self. But I also knew that it is only through appearance that we experience and make decisions about the everyday world, and I was not always able to gather the strength to prefer the deeper world to the shallow one.”

This quote really expresses that even though she found a deeper meaning to life and that she was lucky to have discovered it, it was sometimes really exhausting to keep that up. She would get tired of keeping it up and just want to “fit in” for a change.

Towards the end of the essay, there was a sense that she was starting to become more comfortable being who she was. She even had a sense of humor about all the surgeries that she had to endure. “The one good thing about a tissue expander is that you look so bad with it in that no matter what you looked like once it was finally removed, your face has to look better.”

I believe that this essay did impact the way I look at creative nonfiction writing a and just writing in general. I particularly liked the way she described things that others may experience what she experienced. I hope to be able to achieve that one-day.

Shelby Marra on Brenda Miller's "The Date"

       The day we signed up for these blog posts, I chose this essay based on the title. Hearing about someone’s personal dating life and dating experiences is always entertaining and taps into our own social interactions. When I first started reading Brenda Miller’s “The Date”, I made a predetermined guess that the essay would actually describe the date between the author and a man. But after reading, it has deeper meaning and background. I feel that the author shows through this writing that she has a void in her life and is trying to fit into the same mold as her siblings. She has had troubles maintaining relationships, is unsure with herself and has not exactly lived up to the standards of getting married and having children like her brothers.

            In this essay, Miller thoroughly describes her process of getting ready for a dinner date with a man she likes. She speaks about rearranging the pictures on her refrigerator so that she comes off a certain way to the man. I felt a sense of connection to this part because I feel like we all convey ourselves in ways that we feel are suitable. We carefully arrange the way we speak, dress, act, think and interact with others to display who we are or who we want people to think we are. Miller writes of the photos, “…I know this collage exist only for others, a constructed persona for the few people who make it this far…” Consciously or subconsciously, we “construct” our lives the way we want to be seen. I find this interesting because it relates to what I studied last semester in my previous English class, about the difference between sex and gender. Sex is described by biology, male or female but gender is an achieved status, something we build through social and cultural means. I may be getting a little off track, but I enjoyed the build up of preparing herself for this date because I could use the reading to make a deeper connection to something I already know and have knowledge about. This section and many others of the essay show Miller performing her gender.

            While reading, I also liked her detailed description of each little story within the essay. She made it easy to see and imagine what was going on, as every good writer should. Her style of sensory detail has inspired me to be more attentive to detail as I am starting to write my manuscript. One description that I liked was, “…I realize that I’ve never really dated before. I’ve always been transparent: approach me and you see inside. Touch me and I will open, like a door made of rice paper, light and careless.” Personally, I always find it easiest to describe anything using metaphors. I also liked the overall mood of the essay; it was very melancholy, calm and collected even though getting ready for a date can be hectic and a bit unsettling.

I feel like this topic is relatable to a variety of people. I think it is safe to say that we have all experienced the nervousness of preparing for a date with a man or woman we like, hoping that the feeling is reciprocated and hoping that our “constructed persona” worked in our benefit. I think the essay did a good job of letting us see her inner thoughts and emotions and experiencing them with her as she tells her story. I would have liked to see what happened next but I feel like cutting it short was a technique she used to entice the reader and keep us guessing. Extending the essay and recounting the actual date would have made it less mysterious and suspenseful.

Victoria Farrar on David Sedaris’s “Repeat After Me”

            When I saw David Sedaris’s name on the roster, I jumped on the opportunity to analyze one of the icons of humorous non-fiction.  As a writer, Sedaris is famously funny, and “Repeat After Me” stands as a clear example of his talent.    However, this essay sits apart in that it not only cleverly shapes the details so as to be entertaining, but also reveals deeper insight on the tension of portraying one’s life, an issue currently relevant to this class.   

            A few blog posts ago, Pilar delved into the issue of how to portray the real people of our lives as quasi-characters in writing in Mary Doty’s “Return to Sender”.  How honest should we be, or conversely, how much should we elaborate, zooming in on details we want to exaggerate until the person on the page is no longer recognizable? All writers sit on this teetering balance, and Sedaris gives his take on this subject through the objects (the same subject-object connection brought up in class) of the upcoming movie and the parrot, Henry.  As we discussed, he transplants the associations of those themes in his life with the greater, general meaning that the reader access.

            In the essay, an upcoming movie being made about Sedaris’ recent book provides an underlying tension between him and his family, a tension that also defines that line an author straddles between blunt fact and flattering fiction. Like all film adaptations, the movie represents a sudden awareness of an audience that most of us feel at some point in the writing process.  Sedaris and his sister wonder, “Who will play me? How will they represent my life, how will I come out as the hero?”  We can choose to glamorize and show only the “best of” highlights of a true life experience in our work, just like a movie.  But dramatization (either negative or positive) is dishonest. It no longer shows reality, it’s no longer nonfiction. Biopics are “based on true stories”, but they don’t take true stories and speak through them. That is the job of non-fiction. Sedaris notes this when he considers, “[…T]he director might get me and my family wrong, but [… W]hat if he gets us right?” The honest truth is more emotional and difficult to depict, but in the end, its reality will resonate more.  

            Henry the parrot, on the other hand, offers the less-serious, but still reflective, side to portraying our lives. Nobody takes what Henry says particularly seriously on its own. As a writer, Sedaris implies that he too is granted innocence (so to speak) for what he says about his family. The writer, like Henry, only mimics what they hear and see, reforming it into their own personal combination of “You can do it!” and “Where are the keys?”, which shows what they find important as much as it accurately reflects the situation. Yet, Sedaris ends the essay stating that he “has something important to say”, but “[f]rom his own mouth the words are meaningless”. So he repeats his plea for forgiveness to the parrot, trying to say something deeper and heartfelt through the repeated words of a mimicker.  In this metaphor, the humble writer of non-fiction does not claim the glamorized, poignant director’s chair.  Only through the mouth of the unassuming, observing parrot can he touch upon something meaningful -- the truth.

Luke Holland on Abigail Thomas's Safekeeping

             Abigail Thomas’s book, Safekeeping, follows the life of the author as she struggles to support her family and find love.  Thomas uses a form of “flash non-fiction” in which she writes short chapters about specific instances from her life.  The order of these snippets of her life at times seem random but also flows like a novel.  I found Thomas’s book to be a very interesting read due to the unique style that she implements and the way it flows from chapter to chapter.

            Thomas begins the book by describing her life before meeting one of her husbands.  She uses short, descriptive sentences to convey the feelings that she is remembering.  She changes her point of view from first to third person and at times even uses second person.  Since this is a work of non-fiction, the change in point of view may allow her to be truthful without revealing too much about her personal life, while also keeping the reader interested.  Thomas’s use of description and simile really jumped out to me when she describes a memory she had of her second husband, “A deity at breakfast, talking with his mouth full, and the crumbs shooting forth became the stars and galaxies.”  By describing her second husband’s mannerisms in such a way, the creative side of Thomas’s memories becomes apparent.  The fact that she associated something as complex as stars and the galaxies with such a mundane act like chewing with your mouth open portrays the authors deeper insight into her experiences.  Thomas’s descriptive writing continues as she begins to tell the story of her life.   

            As the book continues, the story reads more like a novel as the author begins to describe her various marriages and how her life unfolds.  She gives in depth description into the culture of the mid to late twentieth century and further portrays her change from a naïve girl to an “experienced” adult.  Her story unfolds slowly through her emotional depictions of numerous events in her life.  In my opinion, the epitome of her emotions occurs after her father’s death when she receives his stone collection, “She couldn’t open them.  She wanted the moment to be right; she didn’t want to do this just any-time; she was waiting to feel in the exact center of something.”  By expressing her emotions through this one experience in her past, the author effectively appeals to her audience.  The idea of sentimental value gives Thomas a sense of meaning and leads to self-reflection.  However, she unceremoniously opens the stones in the next paragraph, which shows her humanity. 

            I thoroughly enjoyed Safekeeping because the author adequately appealed to my emotions through her memoirs.  The purpose of non-fiction is to give something to your audience and Thomas does so through her use of honesty and self-expression.  She utilized a unique style, which was hard to follow at times but ultimately leads to a thoughtful and enjoyable story.          

Justin Richards on Levy's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking"

Life’s a Recipe

By Justin Richards

            E.J Levy’s "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" is something that took me off guard at first, believing it to be a story about maybe his journey in French cooking. Yet it has nothing to do with him and French cooking at all, it is more of him recalling his mother cooking eloquent meals from her copy Julia Child’s cookbook Art of Mastering French Cooking as a boy. Interpreting it even further, it seems as though it he is describing his life, relationships, and even family as a recipe.

            He first starts to talk about how he would remember on the nights that his dad was home his mom would make these delicious French cuisines, such as Boeuf bourguignon, Bouillabaisse and Mousseline au chocolat. He says that this was one of his mother’s favorite things to do, to be able to cook these recipes from her copy of Julia Child’s cookbook. Later on he soon found out that his mother almost found a companionship with her cookbook, “Julia Child was the only reliable companion my mother had in those years, other than the woman who came once a week to clean the house”. This was because his father was rarely ever home and he himself stated he was not suitable for the part.

            Later in the story he makes a reference to how his parents’ marriage was something of a mixed marriage, recalling that it sounded like “mixed greens, mixed vegetables, “mix carefully two cups sifted flour with . . . .” As if marriage were a form of sentimental cookery”.  This mix of a man and a woman would eventually come together and make something more delectable as a whole. Taking this into account we can see that a relationship such as a man and a woman have to mix together nicely, their personalities, their likes, their dislikes, fears and a numerous of other things need to be taken into careful account when deciding to mix. If not taken carefully we can up with something that is bitter or distasteful or in the matter of marriage a divorce. Throughout his life he seems to relate things with food such as, the way feels toward a woman, his parent’s relationship, and just life in general. Yet he seems that instead of his parent’s mixing together they were more melted together as such with a melting pot, “the melting pot is supposed to inspire amity not love”. Although they were not completely happy they stayed together because his mother liked his father and that was enough to keep them together.

            It seems as though life and relationships are a giant cookbook or recipe, each needing its own ingredients and whether they mix or melt together depends on the relationship. Mixing of two people seems the better than having to melt with one, while mixing you can take each quality of the person and create something more amazing. Melting together with someone can still create something amazing, but whether or not in the end the two decide melting was a right choice is something for that couple to figure out. Life is a giant recipe that with the right ingredients can turn out to be something amazing. Even though every now and then we might make something bitter with a choice we make, we always have the chance to whip up something new.

Dominique Delgado on Jo Ann Beard's "The Fourth State of Matter"

As I started reading this essay I had no idea where it was headed. I was under the impression that this writer was writing about her dull, somewhat lonely and sad life. The first thing I noticed was the ways she described certain things, almost in a poetic way. This happens immediately in the second line, “…as I row my boat through a dim, complicated dream”. I think it is lines like this that makes this piece creative non-fiction, opposed to non-fiction. The way the writer draws the reader in by descriptive and stimulating words. She begins her story talking about her helpless, dying dog. There is a part in the second paragraph where she is standing outside in the middle of the night waiting for her dog to pee, and she is describing the night sky in a way only somebody familiar with astronomy could describe it. Looking back, she is foreshadowing a major part of the story.

            Jo Ann Beard has followed the “street-car” rule in a way, when it comes to this non-fiction piece. The essay is very well organized. It starts with the dying dog, the stars, and the night sky. It continues with other main points along the way, but ends with the dying dog, stars and the night sky. It does a perfect loop, yet by the end there is a totally different meaning and feeling.

            As the story progressed, I started to feel bored. She talked about the squirrels in the spare bedroom, her “missing husband” who constantly and pathetically called her, her dull job that she really had no passion for, and then her co-workers. The squirrels and missing husband did have a bit of an interesting storyline, added a bit of kookiness to her otherwise boring life. I liked how she described bits and pieces of those stories because they had interconnectedness. The squirrels were loud and noisy, uninvited, living in the spare bedroom where all of her husband’s belongings were quietly out of the way. Little did I know in the beginning that these miniscule parts of the story would end up having a mighty emotional role in the end of the piece.

            When Beard speaks of her work, she speaks as if she didn’t belong. She was just there because it was a job, but she didn’t have the passion that the others had for physics. She just knew how to put together a journal. She speaks of her co-workers; Some she doesn’t have a close relationship with, but works side by side with them everyday, but seems to know them on a personal level none the less. She has a passionately awful relationship with one person in particular, Bob. They constantly butt-heads, argue, and slam doors. Bob is best friends with the person Beard is closest with, “I spend more time with Chris than I ever did with my husband”. She talks with Chris about everything, her dying dog, her missing husband; and he shares his life with her, his depressed mother, his crazy dog.

            The way Beard eventually explains her co-workers came as a bit of a surprise to me, but was intriguing. She explained each of their personalities in a negative way, through the eyes of a student that worked with them, Gang Lu. The first time reading this piece, I found the way Beard explains Gang Lu’s emotions a bit odd. How did she know what he was thinking? How did she know that “he’s sick of physics and sick of the buffoons who practice it”? Then she starts describing her co-workers through Gang Lu’s eyes, all in a negative connotation. (Little did I know that there were letters that Gang Lu had written, letters I am assuming Beard got the inspiration or information to make these assumptions of Lu’s emotions towards his life and his co-workers).

            Then the turn of events happens. Beard says, “It’s November 1, 1991, the last day of the first part of my life”. As I’m reading I try to figure out what the big event is that is going to change this woman’s life so drastically. Then, she starts to write of the shooting. It kind of comes out of nowhere, but if I would have been paying attention to all the foreshadowing in the previous pages, I probably could have caught on quicker. She explains it in timeline form, describing where each person is sitting when they get shot, where they get shot, the smoke that comes from the gun, the actions of the surrounding people, the next steps Gang Lu, the shooter, takes. The description is fast, like the gunshots. It took twelve minutes to shoot everyone on his list. That is a short amount of time in real life, and only takes about a page in the book to describe the incidents.

            From then on she describes her denial as she starts to hear the news. Describes her numbness, how her mind goes blank, how she tries to convince herself that none of this has happened. She tells herself that Chris is not amongst the dead. But he is, and she is numb.

            The first thing she finds comfort in is her dying dog. It seemed like the reason she kept him alive all this time was for this moment. She needed him, and he was there for her just like she had been throughout his dying days. Next, her husband, who hasn’t shown his face in who knows how long, shows up at the door. He hugs her and tells her he is there for her. The part I found the most emotional was towards the end when she describes standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting to hear the scurrying of the squirrels that she had kicked out of her house shortly before all this. She was waiting to hear them, and sadly she remembered they were gone. “Silence. No matter how much you miss them. They never come back once they’re gone”.
            The essay ends with her lying at night with her arm on her dying dog, propped up so that she can see the night sky and planets through her window.

            This essay was composed in a perfect circle, or route I should say. It started with the dog in the night and the stars in the sky. Went on to talk about her husband, the squirrels, her work and co-workers. Co-workers went to shooting of the co-workers, then back to the husband, the squirrels, the dying dog, and the night sky.
            If I take anything from this essay, it will be Beards amazing yet sly way of foreshadowing. The second time reading the essay, I caught on to the foreshadowing and how it left a sense of eeriness. I also liked how she described people through others eyes, whether it be through Gang Lu’s, Chris’, or her friend Caroline’s. Out of everything, I like how the story ended up interconnecting and making its way back to where it originally started. She tied this essay back up perfectly, in a way that the reader felt a connection with her because she had walked you through it all before.