The day we signed up for these blog posts, I
chose this essay based on the title.
Hearing
about someone’s personal dating life and dating experiences is always
entertaining and taps into our own social interactions. When I first started
reading Brenda Miller’s “The Date”, I made a predetermined guess that the essay
would actually describe the date between the author and a man. But after reading,
it has deeper meaning and background. I feel that the author shows through this
writing that she has a void in her life and is trying to fit into the same mold
as her siblings. She has had troubles maintaining relationships, is unsure with
herself and has not exactly lived up to the standards of getting married and
having children like her brothers.
In this essay, Miller thoroughly
describes her process of getting ready for a dinner date with a man she likes.
She speaks about rearranging the pictures on her refrigerator so that she comes
off a certain way to the man. I felt a sense of connection to this part because
I feel like we all convey ourselves in ways that we feel are suitable. We carefully
arrange the way we speak, dress, act, think and interact with others to display
who we are or who we want people to think we are. Miller writes of the photos,
“…I know this collage exist only for others, a constructed persona for the few
people who make it this far…” Consciously or subconsciously, we “construct” our
lives the way we want to be seen. I find this interesting because it relates to
what I studied last semester in my previous English class, about the difference
between sex and gender. Sex is described by biology, male or female but gender
is an achieved status, something we build through social and cultural means. I
may be getting a little off track, but I enjoyed the build up of preparing
herself for this date because I could use the reading to make a deeper
connection to something I already know and have knowledge about. This section
and many others of the essay show Miller performing her gender.
While reading, I also liked her
detailed description of each little story within the essay. She made it easy to
see and imagine what was going on, as every good writer should. Her style of
sensory detail has inspired me to be more attentive to detail as I am starting
to write my manuscript. One description that I liked was, “…I realize that I’ve
never really dated before. I’ve always been transparent: approach me and you
see inside. Touch me and I will open, like a door made of rice paper, light and
careless.” Personally, I always find it easiest to describe anything using
metaphors. I also liked the overall mood of the essay; it was very melancholy,
calm and collected even though getting ready for a date can be hectic and a bit
unsettling.
I feel like this topic is relatable to a variety of people. I
think it is safe to say that we have all experienced the nervousness of
preparing for a date with a man or woman we like, hoping that the feeling is
reciprocated and hoping that our “constructed persona” worked in our benefit. I
think the essay did a good job of letting us see her inner thoughts and
emotions and experiencing them with her as she tells her story. I would have
liked to see what happened next but I feel like cutting it short was a
technique she used to entice the reader and keep us guessing. Extending the
essay and recounting the actual date would have made it less mysterious and
suspenseful.
I liked how Shelby touched on the issue of gender. It is true, Miller does act the classic female role while preparing for this date. She tries to change who she is in order for this man she hardly knows but "likes". It is sad, but I'm sure we all have done it. Now that I think about it, I don't know how much of a gender issue it is, considering I did the same thing in lesbian relationships. So maybe its just a human issue. Or a general dating issue. Or a self-confidence issue... A self-confidence issue that is definitely controlled by social structures.
ReplyDeleteThe details in this piece were really great. The way she described the pictures especially. You can almost see her and her family in the pictures. Also, I could see the scene with her hair dresser pretty clearly.
I also agree with Shelby about the ending. It was a little disappointing how it cut off, because I really wanted to know what happened with the date. BUT, if she kept going the piece wouldn't have been as powerful.
xx
Dominique
I think you hit the nail on the head in terms of it being a "human issue," Dom. I'm just as nervous talking to cute guys as I am cute girls. I also think that Miller captures the universality of the experience precisely by describing one instance of it in depth. We as readers identify strongly with the emotion and bring our own experiences into the essay, which makes it very powerful.
DeleteThe focus in this post on "construct" and "constructed identity" is really interesting here, Shelby, and I like that you've both hit on one of the most controversial parts of the essay: how it seems to "perform" the gender roles that society typically assigns to women. Anxious; in need of approval; self-deprecating; unsure; etc. Although I don't think that this essay fulfills all the stereotypes, do we think this is problematic in the essay? Did it rub anyone the wrong way? Or is it simply an attempt to represent the experience honestly, regardless of how it will be viewed culturally?
ReplyDeletePersonally, I wish she had addressed this gender issue head-on, discussing how her own nervousness betrays her strengths as a woman, of which there are obviously many.
I really enjoyed this piece; the story itself was an interesting read. I like the connection of this piece to the idea and social norms of gender and what that really means. Though I believe that a person of any gender, in any type of relationship, could experience these thoughts and feelings, I still think it was an interesting thing to pick up on.
ReplyDeleteTo answer one of the questions that Mr. K asked, I thought this piece was nice because it was so honest. The author went through her routine and even expressed why she did some things to impress others, which is something that most people would never admit to. So for me, the honesty is what really caught my attention, not the gender roles presented.
I also had not picked up on the gender roles idea in the piece until I read Shelby's post. I do believe that the way the author portrays herself and unsure and self conscious does represent her trying to convey to the reader how she felt while preparing for the date, not her trying to make a comment on women in general.
ReplyDeleteRight towards the end she mentions how in The Pillow Book it says that when a woman lives alone her house should be dilapidated and the author also says how her well-being is hinging on whether the man shows up at her house. I can see how these points could definitely bring up questions about gender roles. But still, I feel like the author was just being honest. It would have been interesting to get this story from the man's perspective. I wonder if he was feeling much the same way the author was; whether he was spending his day choosing an outfit to wear, or debating whether or not he should bring flowers, or if he was as unsure of himself and as desperate as she was to make the relationship work.
I agree with many of you when I say that I also enjoyed this story. Although it is in the perspective of a woman, the authors analysis and actions are very relatable. The atmosphere of the piece is developed very well throughout as Shelby mentioned, the mood is very anxious as the author is very unsure of herself.
ReplyDeleteI feel as if this story is not so much about gender roles as it is about human nature. Most people will feel self-conscious and unsure of themselves before a date, and may even attempt to change themselves to appeal to others. The idea of identity is very interesting in this piece.
Of all of the pieces we read this semester, this one had to be my favorite. I think the subject it almost universally relatable. Everyone knows the feelings of anxiety that comes with a first date. What was great about this piece was that the author captured that anxiety perfectly. It didn't come off too frantically or dramatic to me, it was just enough to know that she was just a little disconcerted
ReplyDeleteI also like what Luke said, about the idea of identity in this piece. I agree with him, I think that's what made this piece stand out. Even though the idea behind it is such a common experience, the experience itself shows a lot about a person. Her story about everything that happened before the date told the reader so much about who she is, that it retained a sense of something very personal. I really enjoyed it.